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About Varied / Artist Aimee28/Female/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 13 Years
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TheaAtherea's Profile Picture
Artist | Varied
United States
My name is Aimee and I am a poet, a storyteller, a coffee addict, a gamer, a jewelry-maker-in-training, and a student of life. Feel free to drop me a message anytime!

- I don't thank for faves. It's nothing personal, I just don't see the point in cluttering people's pages.


Favorite Stamp by Ravechu I Support Animal Rights Stamp by AshlieNelson I support writing English by FragileReveries
I Sniff Books by MademoiselleGrief Love Stamp by Kezzi-Rose ST: Anxiety Disorder Awareness by JSTradArt
Firefly Stamp by ravekitten The Triforce by fricken-pimp Avatar the Last Airbender intro stamp by stampsstamps
I don't know why I'm writing here but I guess I need to vent somewhere, and if anyone happens to read this and has advice or insight, I could use some right now.

My death anxiety has been worse than ever lately. "Death anxiety" doesn't even feel like a strong enough term for how I'm feeling. I've been averaging 2 or 3 panic attacks a day. After the first particularly bad one, I ended up going to the ER because I was having chest pain and my blood pressure was almost180/110. That was nearly two weeks ago. The ER doctor wrote me a prescription for Ativan, which was supposed to help calm me down. I've been trying to ration them to last long enough until my regular anxiety medication starts working again (I was off of it during my pregnancy and doing well up until recently), but they're not helping much anyway.

I feel like I'm going mad, like the pressure and tension are forcing me apart at the seams, and I'm only holding it together because I have Zelda to take care of. Otherwise, I'd be sleeping my days away or drinking myself silly in an effort to forget my own mortality.

I don't understand how the vast majority of people (particularly non-religious people) can go about their lives and not worry about the fact that all of it is going to end and no one knows what comes after -- whether it's just oblivion, non-existence, nothingness. It doesn't help to consider the fact that I must have experienced said oblivion before I was born. It doesn't help to think that I'll be dead and I won't know the difference. It just makes me feel sick and it makes it hard to breathe. It's not something I can comprehend, and it sends me into full-blown panic mode. Just writing this is physically painful and turning me into a ball of tension and anxiety.

I keep trying to tell myself that I've got decades left. Other than my blood pressure, I'm in relatively good health. I should be happy. I'm living the life I always hoped for. I have a beautiful daughter, a supportive husband, a comfortable home -- a good, stable life. And my mind is preoccupied with the fact that it'll all end one day. I'm too busy worrying about my inevitable death that I'm barely living. And other than hoping that my medication kicks in soon, I don't know what to do about that. Distraction only works for so long, talking myself down when the panic sets in is fruitless, and talking about my anxiety seems to make it worse. I could barely get the words out when I was trying to explain to my new doctor why I was on anxiety medication to begin with and why I suddenly need it again.

But anyway, I've just been needing to get this out. Maybe there's someone here who understands the feeling and has learned to cope in some way I haven't thought of. More likely, this will go unread, because dA just isn't the place it used to be. But I needed to say it.


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SpellboundCanvas Featured By Owner 3 days ago  Student Digital Artist
You have a pretty little face
TheaAtherea Featured By Owner 3 days ago   General Artist
ChickenRaptors Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2016
Aww traumatized pittie mix puppy. DRAMATIC FEAR!!
thats so adorable. i love dogs haha i bet he runs around the house like nope mama nope nope

b/c i closed the thread!
TheaAtherea Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2016   General Artist
I think at this point it's a mixture of fear and playing, because he thinks it's just hilarious when I chase after him for any reason. :P It's the same reaction he has to the vacuum -- sort of scared, barking and jumping around, but madly wagging his tail like it's fun.
ChickenRaptors Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2016
HAHA thats so adorable! did you rescue your pit or whats the back story
behind this character? 6v^
TheaAtherea Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2016   General Artist
We got him as a small puppy from my mother-in-law's co-worker. One of their hunting dogs got loose and got into the pen of a female pit they had rescued.

Technically, he belongs to my mother-in-law, but I'm the one who raised and trained him, and he came with us when we moved into our own house. But he loves her the most because she's never disciplined him, she gives him human food, and she takes him on walks more often. :lmao:
(1 Reply)
CapturedCosmicDebris Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2016  Hobbyist Photographer
Hi Aimee... It's been a long time. I thought of you...and here I am. Hope you are doing well. Sending love... ❤️
TheaAtherea Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2016   General Artist
I think of you guys quite often. I hope you're all doing well. :hug: I've missed you, your updates and your beautiful photography on Facebook. That and dA are really the only things I check regularly. It's good to see you back here, even if it's just for a little while.
CapturedCosmicDebris Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2016  Hobbyist Photographer
Big hugs... I don't miss Facebook at all...I'm still posting to instagram fairly regularly but even that is beginning to get on my nerves. I don't even know how or why I ended up logging in here the other day. I want to be more active...but...I really just don't care anymore. I miss my friends, though - those like you who were real and actually people that I connected with on some level... I do miss you. <3
TheaAtherea Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2016   General Artist
Honestly, the main reason I still bother with Facebook is because it's the only contact I have with several people I care for. My mom's an agoraphobe and it's a 60-mile round-trip to visit her, so Facebook is the main way she gets to see her new grandbaby on a regular basis. I don't use any form of social media otherwise (unless you count dA). I've never really seen the appeal of things like Instagram or Tumblr. :shrug: I have a hard enough time keeping relatively active here -- outside of the forums, that is.
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